I have been dreaming the past few nights about kayaking. I have absorbed myself with sailing in the past year, buying a boat and learning to sail, equipping her for short journeys; so I have neglected kayaking, and like a jealous lover She is angry and she keeps me awake at night with her love and need of attention. I was never ´introduced´ to kayaking by anyone, I bought my sea-kayak before i ever sat in one. I fell in love with the idea of kayaking, it was my transport, instead of the road my traveling companion was the boat, and the motorways of the world the tide. I am not a river person, although I love all types of water, my affection is for the sea as it is a real lover – dangerous, forever changing, supportive, constant, beautiful and unpredictable. I spent the winter of 2005 searching for my kayak and when I bought her I paddled her the first day in the small river next to my house. I capsized of course and trapped her between the two banks of the river as she was too long to turn, the water flooded into the cockpit and I had to jump out in freezing water and pull her around before she snapped in two. The next journey was from that same river down to the sea. I thought it would take a few hours but it took me all through the night and by 5am I had reached the sea and saw the dawn greet me and I slept by the incoming tide. In the years that i have kayaked I seen many dawns, and many beautiful places that I would not have seen otherwise, kayaking is a window to the world and a new atlas to open. So it is time I started kayaking again and revisit those times that were alone but not lonely.
(The music to this video was played by myself and friends, myself on mandolin)
It is not easy to say goodbye, I have done it a lot. You leave! You depart from what is known and comfortable. You leave friends, family, love, belonging. You go out in to the uncertain and the new, you leave yourself open to winds that can blow you anywhere, this why I do it is it not? I can only stay so long, then I need to go, to see the new and experience that wind. I wish I could stay longer to say “OK this is where I will make a stand and relax a bit”, but I have to move, it is not my final resting place. It is a feeling, not a desire. It is inherent at least with in me. I did not create it or wish it. I am curious. I never feel I fit in somewhere and I am always searching for that next view around the corner. So, to go is not always a bad thing, it clears out the old and the used, and it lets the new in and the freshness to start again, to say “cut” and to “paste” later on, to let the time heal and the space balm the hurt. When I cross the door again, the same door I left months ago, then all is new, fresh and ready to start again.
But parting is hard, I have never gotten used to it, I always hurt when I say Goodbye.
I always say to start means that you will finish, so i have begin this blog…
Life seems very compartmentalized at the moment I think this is to do with environments and transport. I do not drive I never have done and I have no interest in it, so I take public transport or I cycle every where. I do this because of choice and in the West we are obsessed by choice. In the USA I did not go very far unless someone took me to places, I did not drive and the public transport around Florida was limited. but in the UK we have a public transport system of sorts. But i prefer to cycle and i cycle often quite far sometimes to get to places. This structures life, it divides your day in to sections and now it is dividing weeks into sections. One day it is to the sea, the other day to the city, the next day back to the sea etc. Or I travel abroad and then I ‘stop’ my life and begin another life, one that is not my choosing as I change environments again and I become someone else again. Life has always been like that for me always moving from place to place.